i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
