he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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