we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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