sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
