I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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