maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
