why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
