hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
