Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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