Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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