We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
