So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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