I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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