we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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