I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
