Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize