I'm really into asian looking animals
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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