i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
