tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
