I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
