She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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