you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
