I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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