Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my nose is crying tears of wow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize