woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
