I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize