quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And then he peed in my hair
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