i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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