he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
