I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
