What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
