i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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