Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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