I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
