my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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