he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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