i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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