If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
