well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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