You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
