What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I intend to get homeless drunk
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am naked and annoyed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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