I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I party with great urgency now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
