worst night to have a conscience
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
