haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
