she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
