I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
