Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
