Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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