Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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