I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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