I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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