New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
