it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
