no, he came in my armpit
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize