RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
