So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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