i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
