How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
