shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
