Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
