he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
